tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84352070725466593392012-02-03T12:51:20.991-06:00Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.comBlogger12201100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-56090470896260212692012-02-03T05:29:00.000-06:002012-02-03T05:29:59.022-06:00

Okay, I know I'm JUST a nurse, but I'm going to clear up some stuff for all you fabulous physicians regarding telemetry.  I truly don't understand how some doctors, after working in the ER for decades in some cases, still haven't figured this stuff out:Telemetry means remote monitoring of a patient's heart's electrical activity by using a little box that transmits the data via wifi or radio waves

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-88602111732211992402012-01-31T05:44:00.001-06:002012-01-31T05:44:00.387-06:00

"Doctor, it took you so long that while I was waiting here in the room, I had a heart attack and had to do deep breathing to make it stop.  You really need to see people faster so they don't have heart attacks." ---Frequent flying "chronic pain" guy (visit #14 this month so far)

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-77412219157167251402012-01-30T05:41:00.001-06:002012-01-30T05:41:00.227-06:00

Wandering around aimlessly in a mall parking lot in the dead of Winter with bare feet, no coat, and pajamas was a woman with no name, no address, and no good story about how she ended up wandering around the mall parking lot barefoot and in pajamas.  A person leaving the mall asked her if she was okay or if she needed help.  She said she didn't know, so the fellow human called the police and lead

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-76406052295013204532012-01-26T22:59:00.004-06:002012-01-28T00:11:29.985-06:00

A dumpy-looking low-IQ chick from down the street in Hood Epicenter comes in with what could quite possibly be a real emergency. She hadn't been to our ER before (under that name), had a BP of 210/130, had a 10/10 headache,  no history of severe headaches nor hypertension, and was puking uncontrollably all over the place.  Could this chick have a head bleed, I pondered. Then I drifted off into

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-62295365151223701502012-01-20T14:04:00.001-06:002012-01-20T14:06:05.637-06:00

So as a manager back in the day, I had to deal with peoples' Family Medical Leave Acts (FMLA)s.  For the foreign or unindoctrinated, this is a Federal law that allows people time off/job protection for "serious" illnesses of longer than three days in duration or intermittent time off for chronic serious illnesses.  It involves filling out paperwork, having a doctor write something saying you're a

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-20950760201865612872012-01-18T19:22:00.001-06:002012-01-18T19:32:38.454-06:00

One of the diagnoses that always causes this hardass cynic to grow a touch of empathy is rhabdomyolysis.  Usually, it's as a result of a frail elderly person falling in their house and lying there helpless in a pile of their own urine and feces for many hours and sometimes many days until a family member or UPS man or burglar or someone finds them as their muscle fibers break down and enter the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-65130935007073745012012-01-17T03:56:00.000-06:002012-01-17T03:56:37.163-06:00

Me: Just as an FYI, your patient in room 6's fake crying is annoying me enough where I'm feeling compelled to stand here as far away as possible. Dr. No Bullshit: Oh, that's nothing.  [Dead well-known former frequent flyer] was the worst.  Her fake crying sounded like a wounded cow in an echo chamber.  This guy isn't even top 10 annoying.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-76430847465939617472012-01-13T04:30:00.000-06:002012-01-13T04:30:33.702-06:00

I had patients with the following acute diagnoses simultaneously: UTIRhabdomyolysisAcute CVAMyocardial ischemia Acute renal failureAcute right-sided heart failureNew-onset ascitesHypoxemiaAcute respiratory failureSeptic shockPneumonia And that was only three patients.  Can I get a little help pretty please? 

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-11747671660359461792012-01-12T04:59:00.000-06:002012-01-12T04:59:01.052-06:00

Nothing is more invigorating than the chief complaint of "I banged a nasty ho, and she told me she has a veh-ner-eel disease so I needs a bluh-test" in the middle of the night.  I mean, if you're going to the ER with needing a bluh-test for STDs in the middle of the night, can I not expect that you will also be so high on something that you can barely stay awake? The guy falls asleep x 3 during

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-12243848284465283052012-01-09T03:16:00.001-06:002012-01-09T03:18:28.267-06:00

Okay kids, gather 'round in a semi-circle facing the flag.  Pick a carpet square of your choice.*  It's time for implausible mechanism of injury storytime.  This time we're not talking about rectal foreign bodies.  Today kids, we're talking about STABBINGS.  Oooh, STABBINGS.   Oh, Jacob, stop crying, you pussy.   Moving on.   So, kids, after news of a big catfight/knifefight came over the police

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-77253626652604573852012-01-07T13:54:00.000-06:002012-01-07T13:54:42.951-06:00

Comeback Tech [sarcastically]: Ohhh, great, YOU'RE working? Secretary: Oh, come on, you know you missed me!! Comeback Tech [deadpan]: Yeah, well I bought a better gun with a better sight so I won't miss you again, you can guarantee that.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-32194887198772738922012-01-07T07:28:00.001-06:002012-01-07T07:29:49.167-06:00

Me: Hi, it's been awhile.  What's hurting today? Drug seeker: Oh, it's my headache!  It's a 10/10!!!!!!!" Me: [Performs half-assed assessment] I'm going to grab you a blanket, and it looks like Dr. No Bullshit is caught up and will be in to see you shortly. Drug seeker: Oh, he's on?  He don't like me.  Can I have that form to sign so I can leave and go somewhere else? Me: Sure.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-21097763038416224222012-01-05T11:26:00.001-06:002012-01-05T11:42:36.404-06:00

Dr. Candyman has been working a lot more lately, which means the worldwide supply of 2 mg. Dilaudid syringes is dwindling.  Inform your oncology and pharmacy department leadership now. His response to any questions of why he's prescribing high-powered narcotics to everyone from those with documented narcotic/sedative overdoses requiring intubation to those with seven or eight pain visits this

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-66295749619945019582012-01-04T04:16:00.002-06:002012-01-04T04:39:03.953-06:00

Hey diagnosticians and treateurs of illnesses!  Care of our friend Dr. Big Work-Up, try to figure out what orders are missing from this hugeass, soul-sucking workup for the following patient: Patient is a middle-aged male with a long history of asthma and no other chronic medical conditions.  He has been using his inhaler frequently for the last week.  He called 9-1-1 for an acute asthma

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-31148288602784239412011-12-27T13:31:00.002-06:002011-12-27T13:32:26.015-06:00

Dr. No Bullshit: Hey K, your guy is in there is crying like a little girl.  Sure, he's got some legitimate pain, but, hey, I don't care what's wrong with you.  When I go down, I'm going down like a man. Give me a shot of whiskey, kiss me goodbye, and hand me a gun if you have to.  None of this crying like a girl bullshit.  That's just pathetic.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-80685232250023832332011-12-25T04:36:00.002-06:002011-12-25T04:39:07.598-06:00

An elderly guy puts his proudly-wrapped presents for his daughter, son-in-law, and grandkids in a couple of paper bags from the grocery store.  He goes down the elevator of his senior apartment complex with his wife, who is carrying a couple of the bigger presents.  An unexpected cement block of pain hits him in the chest, knocks his breath out and makes him sweat.  He tells his wife that

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-91624641820647423362011-12-19T22:34:00.001-06:002011-12-19T22:35:19.030-06:00

The top satisfied customers of the preceding 7 days: Me: Hey, here's your dose of Seroquel. Patient: Aren't you going to give me enough pills for five days to take with me? Me: You said you already had a prescription, but you just couldn't afford to fill it.  We don't hand out a few days' worth of pills in the ER.  If you're having problems affording your medications, you'll have to talk to

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-78445995322501319472011-12-14T15:16:00.000-06:002011-12-14T15:16:36.611-06:00

Nurse:  Hey Outdoorsy Doc, can you help me open this mag citrate?  No one can get it open. Outdoorsy Doc: [Unable to open with his hands] Nurse: Crap, well, I guess I'll just waste it and try another one. Outdoosy Doc: Well, if you don't mind me trying it a different way...I have been running a lot lately and my cheeks are pretty strong.  Would probably get a better grip if we just stuck it back

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-69627270915526335032011-12-13T17:47:00.000-06:002011-12-13T17:47:42.959-06:00

Hood Nurse explains to us how to cater to the special needs of Hood Hospital patients.  Most hilarious blog post that I've read in a long time!

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-72821865257397106752011-12-12T04:17:00.000-06:002011-12-12T04:17:41.601-06:00

One of our doctors thought that it would be a great idea to start writing his patients' discharge time on their white board next to their name at the beginning of their visit. Seriously.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-70201310398467392512011-12-09T05:03:00.002-06:002011-12-09T05:03:00.246-06:00

Nice to Everyone Tech to Gullible Tech: Woah, Nurse Sir Complainz A Lot (who is clearly morbidly obese) just told me he eats until he makes himself ill and has to vomit.  That's just sick, dude. Dr. No Bullshit: (Overhears, walks by, deadpan) ...and he's got the body to prove it.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-85827147268443928362011-12-08T15:55:00.000-06:002011-12-08T15:55:30.897-06:00

Not Nurse Ratched has a good little post up about a couple of my recent tweets regarding my former co-worker who was fired.  Go read/comment.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-63083116673378869822011-12-08T03:47:00.006-06:002011-12-08T04:25:25.547-06:00

So my patient had renal failure and a really solidly-elevated potassium of 7.1.  The doctor ordered the standard cocktail of calcium gluconate IV, IV insulin*, D50, and an amp of sodium bicarb.   My old guy was sitting in our sad, markedly-outdated and cramped curtained area with a portable monitor attached due to the absence of an available bed with a wall-mounted monitor.  There were like four

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-38462294058536231152011-12-07T04:31:00.000-06:002011-12-07T04:31:13.607-06:00

Schizophrenic patient: I'm not going in room 3. Me: Why not?  That's the room we've assigned you. Schizophrenic patient: That's the room where they have the perverts who drive the fake police cars and rape people.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-54751272007206763072011-12-02T22:47:00.002-06:002011-12-03T00:58:32.735-06:00

So, there's this rather popular blog (voted Best Patient Blog a few years in a row) called Six Until Me which features mostly diabetes-related blog posts from someone named Kerri who has had Type I diabetes since childhood.  Actually, she was diagnosed, per her biography, exactly one and a half months before I was, so, whatever, it's cool, I feel your pain.  This blog, as far as I can tell, is

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com121tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-77146750483140076652011-12-02T12:06:00.000-06:002011-12-02T12:06:40.825-06:00

Some girl in with something non-serious that got way too many rounds of zofran for way too little pathology (ie. vomiting x 1 with subjective complaints of nausea--who cares) kept calling out that "the medicine was cold!" when getting it IV push.  Okay, whatever? Then she hit her call light three or four more times to say that it was rude of me to give her medicine that hadn't been warmed up.  

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-86111587034258738332011-12-01T05:15:00.000-06:002011-12-01T05:15:52.157-06:00

Dr. No Bullshit to Zero Bullshit Night Charge: I need an ICU bed for room 5. Zero Bullshit Night Charge: What is your admitting diagnosis? Dr. No Bullshit: Well let's see...She's a bed-bound 550 poundeur with a heart the size of a Thanksgiving turkey in with florid CHF and a side of severe obstructive sleep apnea, so we'll go with 'too many snacks'.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-56664750905752218252011-11-27T04:23:00.002-06:002011-11-27T05:16:10.846-06:00

All arriving at (literally) the same time in the ambulance garage (none called before): 1. CPR in progress  2. Respiratory arrest, patient being actively bagged with frothy pink sputum being suctioned... 3. Septic patient with blood pressure of 60/30, sats in the low 70s on room air Holy f*ck.  It's like someone decided to road test an NCLEX prioritization question on us or some sh*t.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-55851221579754444632011-11-25T04:54:00.001-06:002011-11-25T04:54:58.306-06:00

Crayzee seeker comes in with some random fabrication, and is discharged without any narcotics. He very clearly removes his sweatshirt and baseball cap right smack dab in the middle of the lobby (about five feet from the security area), gets another sweatshirt and hat out of his backpack and signs in again under a different name! Needless to say, he was trespassed and kicked out of the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-77753678901753873112011-11-23T05:43:00.002-06:002011-11-23T05:43:00.511-06:00

One of our most charming* Frequent Flyers recently started living in a "dry" group home for those with both chemical-dependency and mental-health issues, I think, as some sort of bargain to stay out of jail, but don't quote me on that.  Despite this group home being located in a smaller town a mountain or two away, he still makes it back to our hospital quite frequently via ambulance, usually

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-75465458489934157262011-11-22T03:36:00.004-06:002011-11-22T05:03:52.658-06:00

So, where I work, the job of "transport nurse" is rotated in the ER.  One ER nurse per shift is assigned to do monitored transports from the ER to the floor as well as a rare monitored transport from the floor to radiology (when another resource nurse isn't available).  In addition to helping with STEMIs, strokes, stabilizations, and other critical patients in the ER, another thing that the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-18120544179033487872011-11-21T08:11:00.000-06:002011-11-21T08:11:41.390-06:00

So, yeah, CPR, defib, oooh lookie, we have a pulse, oops, v-tach, defib, CPR, we have a pulse, v-fib, CPR, defib, meds, meds, stuff, blood, lala la la.  People fluttering around, someone recording, doctor barking out crap to everyone....Med students standing around looking scared in the corner (as usual).  Controlled chaos.  People coming and going. Nice to Everyone Tech: Hey Comeback Tech, is

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-1488523163916388812011-11-17T01:04:00.002-06:002011-11-17T01:21:45.617-06:00

When your only frame of reference for life is a refugee camp coupled with distant memories of, perhaps, gunfire, murder of relatives and friends, and fleeing someone or something, an American hospital must look like a palace coupled with a confusing array of technology for which no words exist in one's own language.  It's hard to think about, but there are people in their mid-20s or older who

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-11265300985358559332011-11-15T04:58:00.001-06:002011-11-15T04:58:00.885-06:00

"Hey K, if you see the lights dimming in the hospital and the generators kick on for a minute or something, that's because I ordered a pelvic ultrasound on your morbidly obese woman, and it's using all the power in the hospital to visualize her pelvic organs through all her fat tissue..."  --Dr. No Bullshit

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-58927681647245874642011-11-14T05:08:00.003-06:002011-11-16T04:38:49.686-06:00

So, you know those movies where people are going to rob a bank or something and a bunch of dudes in masks all dive out of a car, the car drives off, and they go in and take a bunch of hostages? That's how it felt the other day. A rusty mini-van pulls up, and out come six random adults, all of whom sign in with various "whatever-y" pain complaints.  They weren't even trying to hide the fact

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-65197785582501858572011-11-11T03:46:00.000-06:002011-11-11T03:46:25.628-06:00

Medical student: What made you decide to go into medicine, Dr. One-Liner? Dr. One-Liner: Well, medicine was my second career choice.  I was going to be a farmer, but I always got dizzy rotating the crops.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-62141639820464270252011-11-09T04:25:00.000-06:002011-11-09T04:25:19.844-06:00

Me: Hi, sorry, I have to draw some more blood. The doctor ordered blood cultures.  This lets us see if there is an infection in your blood or just in your lungs. Middle-aged pneumonia patient*: You're looking for what in my blood? Me: An infection. Pneumonia patient: What does 'in-fec-tion' mean? Me: Um [geez, how do I explain that???]...it's like if there is a bad sickness in your blood.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-63913139415314165192011-11-08T00:29:00.000-06:002011-11-08T00:29:08.525-06:00

Our friend Dr. Big Work-Up is also a Big Explaineur, which means he has no clue how to appropriately "dumb it down" when explaining medical issues to patients or family.  The minimum level of education that you have to have to understand his medical explanations is an RN with 5+ years of experience or greater, in my estimation.  Also, when he's done with his ramble, he just leaves the room,

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-31858961112098243952011-11-07T03:51:00.000-06:002011-11-07T03:51:15.181-06:00

Me: Hey, I'm K, I'll be your nurse today....How are you, sir? Psychotic homeless dude:  I'm doing okay, nurse.  Just so you know, I'll give you some genetic material if you need some to make babies. Me: I'll take note of that.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-35470652223256062312011-11-03T05:13:00.003-05:002011-11-03T05:13:00.394-05:00

So, an old guy, complete with a couple of good-natured, caring family members, gets the confusion work-up, which was all negative.  He had some basic understanding of what was going on, but really couldn't give any details on any particular topic. Every time I went into the room, he asked me if he could remove his sat monitor. Me: "No, we need that, it's watching your breathing." Old Guy: "Oh

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-49631260562101973852011-11-02T03:01:00.000-05:002011-11-02T03:01:13.977-05:00

Midnight on a school night:  "My friend (a 80-lb 12-year-old upon further investigation) sat on my hand when I was eating lunch in the cafeteria yesterday!  It hurt a little right after!" Full range-of-motion, no deformities, current pain level of "zero". Of course, our hospital had to pay for an interpreter who bills at $50/hour for the non-English-speaking parents.  That alone is more than

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-35346727233060934302011-11-01T05:13:00.002-05:002011-11-01T05:13:00.266-05:00

...in a bathroom at a church giving out meals to the poor. Someone goes in to find him unresponsive with minimal breathing and evidence of head trauma from  falling.  Medics are called.  They start bagging the patient, do an EKG and glucose which are normal, check his pupils, and note them to be pinpoint.  C-collar and backboard, and we're good-to-go. After a hefty dose of narcan, the patient

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-23076996834025999142011-11-01T04:52:00.001-05:002011-11-01T04:54:34.164-05:00

Okay, maybe the cops had the B-squad on tonight or something, but they seemed to be hauling every whackjob and drunk in for a "psych eval" when they were clearly just combative, drunk/drug-addicted assholes who needed to go to JAIL.  This doesn't include all the families hauling their drunk or drug-abusing relatives in for unwanted treatment. Stats: Three staff assaulted with charges filed (no

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-63434684729518145962011-10-27T04:45:00.000-05:002011-10-27T04:45:00.308-05:00

As you all know, my favorite law in the whole wide world, EMTALA, says that we have to provide emergency care to anyone who walks through the door, no matter what the complaint.  We're all about serving you and your cold, your ankle pain for a year, or your "itchiness" after use of meth.  These, after all, could be life or organ-threatening illnesses.  Or something. Notably, it doesn't matter if

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-69449696505517591512011-10-26T03:40:00.000-05:002011-10-26T03:40:56.102-05:00

A teenager and her mother were waiting for strep throat results.  Yawny to the yawny yawn yawn.  I walked in to see how the young lady was doing all routine-like and noted that her mother was rather inexplicably sobbing in the corner. "What's going on, Ma'am?" Patient's mom, through sobbing: "I just got a call that my friend was killed in a car crash!  I can't believe it.  Oh my God, Lord have

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-76232218875052896412011-10-25T04:24:00.001-05:002011-10-25T05:22:18.991-05:00

Middle of the night: Drunk dude surrounded by four security guards in the lobby: Yo man, this is bullshit!  What the F are all these muddafuckaz doing all up in my shit?  I ain't got no warrants, man.  You be all up in my shit!  I just be standin' outside mindin' my owns business!  Hey, man, don'tchu be lookin' at me like that.  I TOLD YOU I AIN'T GOT NO WARRANTS! Me: Hi, I'm K, the nurse.  

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-18051732288697551482011-10-24T05:01:00.002-05:002011-10-24T05:01:00.072-05:00

So, some otherwise reasonably-healthy little old man who volunteers and plays tennis in his spare time done fell down and went boom onto his knee.  He was able to get up himself and walk on it, so I wasn't particularly concerned for anything serious.  Yep, it's bruised.  Full range of motion without a change in his pain.  Yawn.  Ice bag.  Yawn. The resident ordered an x-ray, and since the ER

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-65280040677823040182011-10-21T05:34:00.001-05:002011-10-21T05:38:26.713-05:00

Ever see photos of protesters for some random cause and think about who those people are?*  Are there really 200 people who want desperately to overthrow capitalism in Missoula?   Sorry to burst your bubbles, but many involved in sign-carrying protests of whatever random whatever are simply local homeless folks.   As someone who works with and routinely talks to the homeless about this and that

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-71709033394219328992011-10-20T04:29:00.000-05:002011-10-20T04:29:18.931-05:00

Today, I received a succession of three ambulances (literally all in a row over a course of maybe an hour and a half): Elderly female with weakness and dizziness from a nursing home.   Elderly female with weakness and dizziness from the assisted living facility attached to the nursing home. Elderly female with weakness and dizziness from the senior apartment building on the same property as #1

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-65263691756085255752011-10-17T21:25:00.000-05:002011-10-17T21:25:44.714-05:00

LTACH nurse via phone: We're sending you a patient. Can I give report to you?Me: Sure, go ahead.LTACH nurse: We have a 72-year old vented male that we're sending in for....um....sepsis.Me: Sepsis?  Okay.  What are his vitals?LTACH nurse: 132/74, heart rate 60 and paced, temp 98.8 rectally.Me: Well that doesn't sound so bad.  What makes you think he's septic?LTACH nurse: Oh, he had a CT.Me: A CT?

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-91605964782133717722011-10-13T06:08:00.001-05:002011-10-13T06:08:00.343-05:00

The trend in the world of ER is to do as much as you can to skip triage/the waiting room if there are open rooms in the department.  Seeing as I've probably worked at every ER in the great state of Montana at least once care of agency or regular employment, I can say that generally most places will do some sort of brief triage note, ask a question or two that might up the urgency (ie. "Are you on

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-33507298159294062502011-10-12T04:40:00.002-05:002011-10-12T05:39:56.930-05:00

In a world where people with metastatic cancer or inability to walk from progressive MS have to wait months for a disability check as they blow through their savings, mortgage their houses, and do fundraisers, we have "Fibro Dot", a 20-something who "suffers" from fibromyalgia, conversion disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, muscle pain, irritable bowel syndrome, and migraines who gets disability

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com86tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-58339496559356045962011-10-11T01:40:00.001-05:002011-10-12T11:57:26.442-05:00

Cyclical vomit?Barf in an ice cream bucketOut of Percocet~Chronic migraineurOops missed your IV againToradol IM~FibromyalgiaAre you fucking serious?Fentanyl refill?~Homeless dude walks inShoes are off, feet smell of deathNarcs if shoes back on~Twenty-two years oldYeah right, your cane is a propStop the bullshit now~MRI in handAt least bring one with your nameMild DJD.  Yawn.~ Feel free to add

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-11355397622078927312011-10-06T21:22:00.005-05:002011-10-07T12:17:41.679-05:00

So, most hospitals aren't sitting on a rolling hill flanked with strawberry bushes and butterflies somewhere in an isolated part of the countryside or some sh*t; they're like right smack dab in the middle of The Hood, downtown area, or other population center in order to serve the greatest number of people. Insiders are aware that my favorite law (without it, people wouldn't abuse the ER and

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-42173746187703837282011-10-05T05:36:00.000-05:002011-10-05T05:36:26.904-05:00

So your patient comes in with chest pain.  Their age is "45", but looks to be more like 65, and they have an address in a skeezy part of town.  Their job is listed as "homemaker" (code for unemployed female) or "unemployed".  They have diagnoses like "Hepatitis C", but deny drug usage.   You can tell if they're on crack if you have to tell them to "hold still" more than three times while doing

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-60607981493238155462011-10-04T04:23:00.000-05:002011-10-04T04:23:11.544-05:00

Dr. No Bullshit: Your psych patient has a wristband on from County General, he's here, and now he says he's leaving and going to Regional Medical Center.  It's like a pub crawl for idiots.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-34396553548108736522011-10-03T05:35:00.004-05:002011-10-03T05:35:00.101-05:00

[Crayzee drug seeker walks right into the triage room]. Patient: Hey nurse, I am in severe pain, and I need to get in to a room right now. Zero Bullshit Night Charge (who was in triage at the time): Well, we go in order of severity of illness, not of who was here first.  We'll get you a room when there's one available. Patient [yelling]: Man, you're only saying that because I'm black! Zero

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-56689211729669582172011-10-01T14:18:00.000-05:002011-10-01T14:18:44.090-05:00

[Stroke patient arrives] Tech: Oh crap, the MRI tech just left like two minutes ago. Me: Can you ask the secretary to call her in? Tech: Hey, I actually have her cell number.  [Whips out cell phone and calls MRI tech] Tech to MRI tech on the phone: "Hi Gina, turn your broomstick around; we have a stroke code here!"

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-84192210264212055382011-09-27T06:01:00.000-05:002011-09-27T06:01:00.769-05:00

An elderly guy with a history of hypertension and high cholesterol, but no known coronary artery disease shows up with "sudden-onset chest pain radiating into both arms with shortness of breath and weakness all over" lasting continuously for an hour, including upon his arrival to our lobby in the middle of the night.  When you see an elderly guy come to the lobby at 0300, it's usually something

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-56302482400817554232011-09-26T19:41:00.000-05:002011-09-26T19:41:20.294-05:00

Okay, this anger crap from Nurse Sir Complainz A Lot has got to stop.  It's unrelenting. Don't get me wrong, I get mad at stuff, but I don't haul off and start treating my co-workers like pungent, purulent sputumy frothy diaper sh*t or whatever.  I just say something like 'geez, Dr. Big Work-Up, you're killing me', and saunter in to draw the 50th inexplicable grey-on-ice for a lactate of the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-49214208799806288192011-09-22T05:52:00.013-05:002011-09-22T05:52:00.526-05:00

"I'm having some severe pain right here!!"  The patient points to her left lower quadrant near the bladder.  She was sweaty and shaky.  Uh oh. The patient, an early middle-aged lady who had a string of visits through 2007, but no visits since then, went on to ramble about how she had a 10 cm hemorrhagic ovarian cyst on her left ovary (she used that exact phrase) discovered at her clinic last

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-66486169925656006642011-09-21T05:19:00.013-05:002011-09-21T05:59:12.594-05:00

So, any reasonable-sized ER has nurses that take patients who need cardiac monitoring to the floors and to tests.  In my ER, we rotate this job because if you did it every single shift, you'd quit or be permanently disabled within a week.  There's no way anyone can push 300-pounders around all day in carts 1/3 of a mile (I clocked it once; it's really 1/3 of a mile) to the tele unit, come back,

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-41289746421933724862011-09-20T05:28:00.007-05:002011-09-21T23:05:12.124-05:00

I received this email from a former drug seeker... Hello Nurse K, I happened upon your blog a few days ago and have really enjoyed reading through it.  As a recovering addict and former drug seeker, (3 years, 11 months clean) it's been eye-opening to say the least, reading about what people like me have put people like you through. My doctor/dentist shopping was like a full time job.  I often

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-46340010726840606712011-09-19T05:30:00.006-05:002011-09-19T05:30:00.560-05:00

Crayzee: I WANT TO SPEAK TO A SUPERVISOR ABOUT THE DOCTOR REFUSING TO GIVE ME PAIN MEDICINE AND ABOUT HOW RUDE YOU ARE! Me: Oh, sure, but I guarantee you that nothing is going to change!  [Zero Bullshit Night Charge is on tonight!] [Enter Zero Bullshit Night Charge] Crayzee: I WAS TOLD BY TW*TFACE [yours truly] HERE THAT SHE WOULDN'T TELL ANOTHER DOCTOR TO COME SEE ME FOR MY PAIN!  ALL I WANT

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-81961895266867289652011-09-16T05:43:00.006-05:002011-09-16T05:43:00.109-05:00

So we have this frequent flyer who, as Dr. No Bullshit put it, is "as ugly as the day is long".  She's upwards of 500 lbs, and is so fat that she has killed her ability to breathe, walk, and wipe her a** without a tool normally used for cleaning the inside of a toilet bowl.  Her legs look like hairy tree trunks afflicted with ascites that have dew and bird shit (if the bird had a GI bleed) stuck

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-39611264183070797562011-09-15T05:14:00.002-05:002011-09-15T05:14:00.524-05:00

Cover it up every time and be a good role model for the kiddos Dr. No Bullshit was getting set up to put in an ultrasound-guided central line in SomeDood.  For the unindoctrinated, a sterile cover like the one pictured lets the doc use an ultrasound in a sterile field to find the vein in which to put the central line.  It keeps you out of the arteries and increases accuracy  and all that crap.

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-11997462491746324412011-09-14T05:47:00.003-05:002011-09-14T21:26:49.348-05:00

Dr. No Bullshit (dry sarcasm) to med student: I'm sure Ms. Johnson in room 5 is here because yet another pain management or primary care doctor fired her, and she is looking for some narcs.  I mean, it's hard to see why someone would fire someone so incredibly pleasant.  Really, I must say I'm honored to be her doctor once again on this fine evening.... Ms. Johnson [audible down the hall in her

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-19256729956980239072011-09-12T06:39:00.004-05:002011-09-13T04:13:18.190-05:00

Me: So, sir, when was the last time you saw your wife normal? Husband: Well, she was nagging me about taking out the garbage and complaining about me not mowing the lawn at about 10 pm.  That kind of complaining is really normal for her.  We bickered about that for awhile, then she said she was going to bed...that was about 10:15, I guess.  I went into the bedroom myself at about 11 pm.  When I

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-24813158670981505382011-09-10T15:33:00.001-05:002011-09-10T15:34:31.997-05:00

95-year-old fall patient: *Call light* Me: Hello, how can I help you?95-year-old fall patient: Dear, if you have a moment, my great-grandson just texted me on the cell phone he bought me.  I found the message and opened it.  [Shows me the message]  Do you think you can figure out the camera for me on this thing?  I know how to text, but never figured out the camera. Grandma, use your camera phone

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-74573801860019135912011-09-09T06:06:00.006-05:002011-09-09T06:06:00.739-05:00

An old COPDeur comes in with agonal respirations, no sats, a pCO2 via blood gas of 108* and a PH of 7.1.  Upon arrival, he was clawing at the air and talking gibberish.  Since it was the q-word, like everyone was in the room doing something.  Etomidate, succs, fasciculations, and a partridge in a pear tree. He's intubated successfully after a brief interlude of suctioning frothy pink stuff out

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-58487453810128154762011-09-07T06:01:00.000-05:002011-09-07T06:01:00.594-05:00

Me: So it says you're here for itching. Anxious McGee: YES, I TOOK A VICODIN FOR MY BACK AND I'M ITCHING ALL OVER!  I THINK I'M ALLERGIC! Me: Okay, so when did the itching start? Anxious McGee: About two hours ago! Me: When did you take the Vicodin? Anxious McGee: ABOUT AN HOUR AGO! Me: So an hour after you started itching?  Had you taken a Vicodin before that? Anxious McGee: No, that was the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-45133600704486075222011-09-06T04:30:00.002-05:002011-09-06T04:30:00.547-05:00

Nurse: What brings you in tonight? Patient: I just want to hang out here until the morning. Nurse: Want to see the doctor at all? Patient: Nah, that's not necessary.  I'd just like a room where I can hang out, or I can stay in the lobby if there aren't any rooms. Nurse: So...you don't have any medical or psychiatric issues that you want to be seen for? Patient: No, not really, I just don't want

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-9952417106613209002011-09-02T04:53:00.002-05:002011-09-02T04:53:00.513-05:00

So...what happened? Patient: Well, I'm gonna be honest.  I was trying to buy meth off this guy in the grocery store parking lot down the street here.  My friends said he was good people, and that there was nothing to worry about.  I tried to give him money, but when I got out my wallet, he shoved me down and stole all my money.  Now my tailbone hurts, and I want to get it checked out. Me: Okay,

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-60939683824652666782011-09-01T16:47:00.000-05:002011-09-01T16:47:00.424-05:00

Me: So...what seems to be the problem now?  It's been awhile since you've been here... Hypochondriac: Yeah, well, you know how I'm really allergic to oranges? Me: Uh, sure. Hypochondriac: Well, I thought if I move to Florida, there will be orange molecules in the air, and my body will get accustomed to oranges, and I won't be allergic.  Well, turns out that all the heat down in Florida made my

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-49494834149714038152011-08-31T21:36:00.003-05:002011-09-02T03:56:04.615-05:00

So, my BFF in the whole wide universe, the illustrious Happy Hospitalist, rambled, oh, I mean, blogged the other day about whether or not one can call the cops on a patient because he or she has a warrant out for their arrest. Physicians are part of the public.  I suspect they have an obligation, as does anyone in the public, to notify authorities if they find out one of their patients have a

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-45377225512070631362011-08-30T23:00:00.004-05:002011-08-31T10:43:09.904-05:00

Ohhhh...the dance. First, the dance starts when you open the patient's chart and see their other 26 visits for pain this year, including a few Level I trauma episodes, up to and including getting hit by a car, falling off a cliff, getting hit while riding a bike, the "hot air balloon incident", and falling off a couple of roofs.  You're like whatever.  Here we go with this crap again. Hi,

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-11863858083322078462011-08-30T15:22:00.000-05:002011-08-30T15:22:45.388-05:00

Overheard: Nurse to patient: Okay, here are your discharge instructions....[Blah blah blah blah]....Any questions?Patient: Nah man, I get it, make sure to take the antibiotics, come back if there's an infection.  I do that, no problem, nurse.Nurse: And on a personal note, don't get any piece of your body close enough to a crackhead's mouth.  Just walk away from a crackhead looking to fight

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-49311899090692352162011-08-25T12:12:00.002-05:002011-08-25T12:12:00.599-05:00

Posh Suburb Hospital Charge Nurse: Hello, yes, hi, it's Lindsay from Posh Suburb Hospital.  We have a patient here in our ER who is very drunk.  His blood alcohol level was 386 when he came in.   The problem is that no one wants to pick him up and take him home.  I'm just wondering if we could perhaps transfer him to your ER to sober up? Crayzee Central Charge: You're kidding right? Posh Suburb

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-65292912995314903512011-08-19T15:49:00.000-05:002011-08-19T15:49:08.193-05:00

Here are the answers to many frequently asked questions about the great state of Montana: Yes, there is/are: Homeless people Drunks and drug abusers (including hardcore drug abusers and pill abusers) Mentally ill people People with jobs other than rancher Newspapers Cell phones Pharmacies and other basic services like grocery stores Ethnic minorities Gangs Uninsured people People in

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-19891313975862754332011-08-17T04:58:00.002-05:002011-08-17T04:58:00.390-05:00

Me: So it says here that you've been feeling suicidal. Anxious patient: Yes, yes, I am. Me: Anything in particular that you think might have triggered those feelings? Anxious patient: [Pacing] Oh yeah, definitely, there have been ongoing problems with my [adult] son. He lives with me, you know? Me:  Like what sort of problems? Anxious patient: Well, I mean, I snort coke, right.  I keep having to

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-89711439470628253662011-08-16T04:18:00.002-05:002011-08-16T04:18:00.768-05:00

Me [looking at three generations smooshed into a room]: Hello everyone!  What seems to be the trouble this evening? Kelly Bundy: Well, we went over to my mom's house to drop off the kids so we could go to the club, but turns out Mama was having trouble breathing, so we brought her here. Reasonable enough.  After a polite request, Kelly Bundy, in her tight dress and stripper heels, and some guy,

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-58190409021012715282011-08-15T04:36:00.009-05:002011-08-15T20:28:36.136-05:00

In honor of Happy Hospitalist's Xtranormal Videos' mention in Today's Hospitalist, I have created an Xtranormal video of Happy myself.  Hope you enjoy it! Happy's Favorite Things by: crasspollination If you need help with some of the inside jokes, check out these posts: Cold testicles Dorky track suits Stealing running magazines Refrigerators Tractors (there are at least 20 tractor posts

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-49580691334802145902011-08-12T22:13:00.000-05:002011-08-12T22:13:24.045-05:00

One doc likes to "debrief" after a rough shift, which is kind of nice and kind of weird. Whatever.                           Dr. Debrief: Ms. K, now that it's cleared out, do you have any suggestions on what could have been done better or differently during the last shift? Me: Hm, well, off the top of my head, the lady in room 10 said she was short of breath, but she had normal vital signs, a

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-56659151748720481452011-08-12T04:16:00.001-05:002011-08-12T04:30:03.923-05:00

Get this. So, as we all know, Attitude Tech has somehow made it his life mission to choose to cop major attitude and watch YouTube videos on his iPad rather than work, and somehow gets out of doing at least half of what he's asked to do. Anyway, Attitude Tech's dad, Attitude Dad, happens to work for one of the local BLS Medi-Van companies that run nursing home patients to and from the hospital

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-34063980243666545982011-08-11T04:04:00.002-05:002011-08-11T04:05:20.347-05:00

So, every once in awhile, there is a "suspicious" prescription brought into a local pharmacy, and the pharmacist calls the provider listed on the prescription to verify that he or she indeed did write for  #1000 Vicodin instead of #10. One late night, Dr. No Bullshit gets a call that an ER patient is in the pharmacy with a prescription for #40 Percocet.  Seeing as Montanaville, USA isn't the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-44649036249489099482011-08-09T02:33:00.002-05:002011-08-09T06:55:26.254-05:00

Me: Hi, my name is K, and I'll be your nurse today.  It says here you were assaulted.  Can you tell me what happened? Patient: Yes, yes, I was at the club downtown and four other girls come up.  They were going on about something, and I didn't know what they were talking about. I think one of them thought I was hitting on their boyfriend or something.  Then out of nowhere, I got smacked real hard

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-30817776499582012882011-08-08T05:10:00.000-05:002011-08-08T05:10:51.727-05:00

Be on the lookout for above item Be advised.  The latest on-the-ground recon as well as satellite imaging have identified several possible locations for the little blue bottle of Hemoccult developer that no one can ever find: Dr. Big Work-Up's doctor bag (with the only known bottle of Gastroccult developer in the entire hospital system) Behind the computer at the doctor's charting area In

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-62072476905866862402011-08-06T14:57:00.001-05:002011-08-06T14:59:28.838-05:00

CC: Nursing home patient lost consciousness at dinnertime. Nurse calling me from nursing home for report: "He was eating, and then it looked like he lost consciousness for a few seconds.  He closed his eyes, his head bobbed and his chin went towards his chest, and he wasn't responsive at this time.  Now he's at his baseline, but I'm concerned he might have had a stroke or a seizure." Me: "Does

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-58093576100908462102011-08-05T14:27:00.000-05:002011-08-05T14:27:14.087-05:00

Soooo....what seems to be the trouble today? "Nurse, I'll just be straight-up with you.  My butthole itches, which usually means the buttwarts have come back."

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-11568886706394341592011-08-04T09:35:00.001-05:002011-08-04T09:35:27.366-05:00

As written on the sign-in sheet: PAINZ IN EARZ A nationalist and follower of Noah Webster, to be sure.  [Noah Webster, of Merriam-Webster's Dictionary fame, hated the British so much that he wanted to change American English away from British spellings, including 'iz' for 'is' and 'haz' for 'has' and 'waz' for 'was'.  Some stuff like 'color' for 'colour' and 'defense' instead of 'defence'

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-79717974743945027032011-08-04T07:00:00.000-05:002011-08-04T07:00:04.254-05:00

Some nurse I work with was wearing these bright neon-pink dangly earrings with a bright neon-pink plastic-beaded bracelet.  With her baseline wild eyeliner and lipstick, she looked like something out of a Cindi Lauper video. I was bored, waiting for dispositions, as is customary in my ER, so I called the front desk from my desk and asked to speak to Nurse Laura with the earrings and bracelet.  

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-28722573628084183632011-08-03T17:38:00.002-05:002011-08-03T20:29:26.572-05:00

The Big Chill buttercup-colored fridge: Freaking cool Hello!  It's that time of year again, the time yours truly, Nurse K, asks you to show your appreciation by donating whatever you can in support of the United States' most widely-read nursing blog. This year, I have a special request.  I am remodeling my kitchen on a tight budget, and would really like one of those funky retro Big Chill

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-96306294706623032011-08-02T04:28:00.001-05:002011-08-02T04:29:56.252-05:00

Hi, it must be exciting to work in an ICU and all that business.  You've seen every iteration of trainwreck and everywhichway of unethical, I'm sure.  I know you know way more about ventilators than I do, and I'm sure you can tell me who invented dobutamine and why you'd use that over dopamine or other related "my patient's blood pressure and/or heart function sucks" drugs. But, seriously, I'm

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-17994504265455132182011-07-31T01:22:00.004-05:002011-07-31T03:43:54.181-05:00

Hi, this is a busy ER.  We've recently set the record for the number of STEMIs in a single shift, the number of admits in a single shift, the number of patients in a single shift, and the number of strokes in a single shift.  I happened to be working all of these shifts.  The days of an "easy day" are long gone.  People are living forever with no quality of life and ten chronic illnesses in

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-38644179681145375472011-07-29T14:52:00.002-05:002011-07-29T19:28:34.867-05:00

Scene: Patient in a car accident, backboarded and collared, with multiple small lacerations and alcohol on board.  INR = 2.8 and patient is complaining of a headache.  Multiple family members are in the room, and I go back in to check on the patient following her stint in radiology. Patient's husband: Nurse, while my wife was away [at CT scan], I found a dead bug on the floor.  I put it on the

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-26580610986712365652011-07-25T04:08:00.002-05:002011-07-25T04:08:45.210-05:00

Allergy: Lithium Reaction: Mania

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-75944790126306171882011-07-20T12:39:00.001-05:002011-07-20T12:44:19.431-05:00

20-something patient: I got this back injury at work and it's flaring up! Me: Oh really, what kind of work do you do? Patient: I'm a nurse! Me: Interesting, are you out on disability?  You're on quite a few narcotics. Patient: No, I still work over at [hospital 50 miles away that I've done agency shifts at].  I take the Percocets after work only! Me: Oh, really, you work at Woodland Mountain

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-46344754784121880032011-07-19T21:23:00.002-05:002011-07-19T21:28:40.649-05:00

Scene: Ghetto Fab Chick is being seen during a full moon rising for something stupid which, under normal circumstances in the hospitals of the United States not exclusively staffed by Dr. Big Work-Up, would necessitate a one-hour visit or less.  Of course, with Dr. Big Work-Up, no one is out in under four hours no matter what the chief complaint is. Her children (ages approximately 4 and 2) are

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-46820398565339506812011-07-18T15:02:00.000-05:002011-07-18T15:02:19.808-05:00

A nice, normal young dude with no past medical history comes in with a fever and a cough.  His lungs sound diminished and he's complaining of bodyaches. VS: 130/70 HR 88 RR 16 Sats 99% on RA So, it's a Dr. Big Work-Up shift, and, if you have experienced a Dr. Big Work-Up, you know that part of your "off-the-record" job as an ER nurse (or ED nurse if you work in Whitecoat's hospital) is to

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8435207072546659339.post-5304695402878779452011-07-17T22:05:00.001-05:002011-07-17T22:08:23.648-05:00

"Hey nurse, I can go to the bathroom and gitchu that sample, but my doc-tah says I got that Ol-timers Disease where you forget things.  I'm worried that with that Ol-timers' Disease that when I go to the bathroom that I'll forget which room I'm in because sometimes that happens.  One time I had to git my blood drawn at Dr. Johnson's office -- you know Dr. Johnson*, right, he's my doctor, he's

Nurse Khttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06408755992926959084noreply@blogger.com2