Nothing is more invigorating than the chief complaint of "I banged a nasty ho, and she told me she has a veh-ner-eel disease so I needs a bluh-test" in the middle of the night. I mean, if you're going to the ER with needing a bluh-test for STDs in the middle of the night, can I not expect that you will also be so high on something that you can barely stay awake?
The guy falls asleep x 3 during triage, and I'm all, 'are you high on something', and he looks at me like I just asked Jesus Christ if he believes in Jesus Christ or something without dignifying said question with an answer.
I drag him into the bathroom for a urine test (it's not a bluh-test, sorry) for veh-ner-eel disease, and he's in there for a really long time. Yo---bang bang bang on the door---are you okay in there, buddy?
*Yelling from inside the bathroom* "I's coming out in a minute. I'm sorry."
You're sorry for what?
Then, as he exited, I saw something that I have never really seen before and probably won't see again. Our friend has urinated all over the bathroom floor (or else dropped the urine from the cup on the floor), and, I kid you not, attempted to flush the intact urine cup down the toilet. So, basically, the plastic urine cup got impacted in there causing the toilet to get really close to overflowing.
The question of why he felt compelled to flush a urine cup down the toilet also went unanswered.
Quietly thanking my better judgment for quitting drinking while still a 26-y/o idiot (except for that life-changing decision I have never regretted) who barely knew one hand from the other. Unbelievable what drunk people do ... if only I could remember some of what I must have done.
ReplyDeleteI'm an ER nurse too. Sometimes I think fondly back to the days before I was a nurse, when I worked in a little cubicile. Shit like that never happened in my cubicle.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he thought it was a drug test and wanted to get rid of the evidence.
ReplyDelete"he looks at me like I just asked Jesus Christ if he believes in Jesus Christ or something without dignifying said question with an answer."
ReplyDeleteThat line just made my day :-D
How about this one: Back up in da day, when we had to be IN the bathroom with them for UAs, guy pees in the cup, I bend down to turn the water back on in the sink (only the old people will remember this) and when I stood back up, he had put the open UA cup in his pocket, pee going everywhere. I ask him why he had put the cup in his pocket and he SAID, it's positive and I thought I would hide it from you.
ReplyDeleteFor real, I'm standing right here.
Love it!
ReplyDeleteIn my short period as a clinic nurse where opioid contracts are very common, my personal fave was the guy who asked, "Why is it that Dr. SoNSo needs a UA?"
I told him that if he wanted Dr. S. to give him any narcs, he had to do the test and verify that, yes, as he told him, he was not on any meds that were not on his med list.
"Well, I need to tell you. You might find some oxycodone in there. I borrowed one from a friend."
I proceeded to document this and notify Dr. S., who was very surprised. We had lots of fun waiting for those results to come back.Guy must have had lots of friends who shared their meds and "herbals" too.
Fun times.
I just started picking up in emerg, and I have a whole new respect for you guys. I'm sure I would eventually snap and start administering lethal injections.
ReplyDeleteThis is why, generally speaking, ED Nurses are not allowed to carry Tasers.
ReplyDeleteI would like you to keep up the good work.You know how to make your post understandable for most of the people.I will definitely share it with others.Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteUSMLE
Wow. I thought the urine sample rescue mission people who miss the cup and then try to retrieve the sample from the toilet bowl were gross, but I bow down to you and your drunken VD-laden urine bathroom hosers. Brava, madam.
ReplyDeleteSo what are the odds that you were allowed to sober him up and then make him get down on his hands and knees and scrub the bathroom floor? 'Cause I'm thinking that was a good solution.
ReplyDelete