What brings you in today?
I'm having SHARpains in my side real bad!
How bad is your pain from 0-10, if 10 is the worst imagineable pain?
A ten!
Of course it is.
---
So...says here you're pregnant...how pregnant are you?
I just found out I'm pregnant yesterday.
Mm-kay, so what brings you in?
I'm having SHARpains in my stomach (points to lower abdomen) and I want an ultrasound!
There's a shar pei on your stomach? Down, boy, down!
No, SHARpains!
Oh. Sharpains. Yeah. Those. *Yawn*
How bad is your pain from 0-10, if 10 is the worst imagineable pain?
A ten!
Worse than labor?
No, not worse than labor, like a 9 and a half then! I think I need an ultrasound of my baybee!
---
So, looks like you have a cough?
Yeah, I got a cough.
So, what brings you in today?
Well the cough and SHARpains in my heart when I cough!
No, those are SHARpains in your chest. Your chest has muscle, bone, cartilage, and lungs too!
Well, it feel like those SHARpains is in my heart. I think I'm havin' a heart attack or somethin'!
How bad is your pain from 0-10, if 10 is the worst imagineable pain?
A ten!
---
Features of SHARpains: Always 10/10 pain. Always. If they're in the "stomach", don't assume they're in the stomach, although the anatomic thing known as the stomach is a SHARpains hotspot. They can be anywhere in the entire abdomen if they are described as being in the "stomach". If they're in the "chest", they are most definitely originating from the "heart", especially if you have a cough. If your SHARpains start after receiving a positive pregnancy test the day before, there is a 0% chance of miscarriage anytime in the next 24 hours and 100% chance of a stupid, unnecessary ultrasound. If your SHARpains start while eating a hamburger and Funyons, don't eat the frickin' hamburger and Funyons.
I hate you, SHARpains. If only all pain was steady, in one spot, and unrelenting, I'd be happy.
27 comments:
What about phen-a-grin? ;) I've not heard the term sharpains in my neck of the woods. I wonder if it is a regional thing?
It's ghetto patois for "sharp pains".
Phen-a-grin, another classic right along with the chicken pops.
My @#$%ing HUSBAND says phen-a-grin. Drives me apeshit. Of course, I'm pretty sure that's why he does it.
We have SHARpains, too. I have to say, this post was a complete and total deja-vu. Almost like I work in an ER (ED if you're Whitecoat) somewhere. Weird.
That 1-10 (or 1-5) scale is pretty useless. When I'm in pain, especially SHARpains, I can't really imagine being in more pain than I already am in.
Also, is the scale, like, logarithmic?
based on ur twitter looks like conniern got a blog and i think she is hillarious as well. so whats the link???? hook a girl up. thanks k.
Or exasperation of COPD/CHF/whatever? As in, "well, they supposably are here for CHF exasperation"
I can't stand the wig-worms, chicken pops and my favorite has to be busteded any sort of pimples and whatnots---pretty much makes me want to vomicated in my mouth....
DeliverMe2day(twitter)
Uh, what is phen-a-grin?
Andrea: It's phenergan -- a medication for nausea/vomiting (among other things...). Sad to say it took me awhile to get, "chicken pops."
I hate reading anything about mispronunciations, because then I fear it diving into my subconscious, & then slipping out my mouth. Of course, sometimes I do it to myself. Used to always say "boofay" instead of buffet as a joke (to my husband...). Sure enough, went out to eat & actually ordered the "boofay." My husband's eyes bugged out when he heard my mistake.
"boofay"? That's what I grew up saying, and I always flinch when I hear someone say "buff-ett". Maybe it depends on the part of the country? Or maybe I am hopelessly out of touch?
Reminds me of hearing the radio advertisement for the car dealership in "ver-sails" (Versailles), which is a town in Ohio. Ouch...
10/10?
I guess when your pain is 15/10 or 774/10 (yes, I actually have heard that number), then 10/10 is progress!
: D
I remember the first time I heard the term "babydaddy" (followed shortly by the term "babymomma") as in "he my babydaddy".
I thought it was a new term of endearment!
a shar pei!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Grady Hospital in Atlanta, where I worked many moons ago has all of those terms and some that are unique to Grady.
The term "rooters" originated many years ago and referred to individuals, usually elderly, who had self-medicated with herbal [hence the "root" part of the word] remedies and did not come into the hospital until they were "low sick" [a term that
I am fairly certain is in much wider usage].
I also recall people who had those "atheletic seizures" and who may or may not have "took the three S's" (SSS tonic).
Dont ever try using genetic pain meds for those Sharpains- only Dinlaudin works!
Don't forget "OxyCotton"
I particularly like those who insist that "ibuprofen knocks me out."
@nursek and sicko: link to Connie's blog, por favor?
She should be encouraged...
Ahhh, William! As an alum of "the Gradys" myself, I still use the "low sick" term out here in the NW, and get some Huh?? looks. I personally think it's very descriptive. How about the pt "fell out" (faints, seizure, hysteria, etc.). I still use that one too. "Here's your name band, in case you fall out and forget who you are." :D
Connie's blog
I'll link it more hardcore when she gets going.
@elizabeth: There are at least two Grady-related groups on Facebook:
Grady EMS
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=59448481334&ref=ts
We Are The Grady's
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=4298598703&ref=ts
I have posted at both of these.
You may contact me directly oif you wish: my last name is webb, and all three of my initials are the same.
firstinitialmiddleinitiallastname at comcast dot net.
For ultrasound seekers couldn't you just use the bladder scanner. I mean come on how many would be able to tell the difference between the little image of the bladder and a uterus?
How about whelps? As in - that patient is having an allergic reaction and is covered in whelps! I always have to restrain myself from saying "omigod, that patient is covered in small puppies??"
I thought you meant "Sharpie" like a permenant marker pen. That would hurt if you swallowed one.
Yesterday, had an emergency case, a "perfed bowel," bump an elective tonsillectomy...not sure what the pre-op nurse might have said to the patient or within an ear shot...but when I went to roll him into the OR for his surgery, he asked me how the patient with the "burped bowel" was...
Post a Comment