I'll just tell you the beginning of this story

A guy arrives by stretch limo at the ER doors with an assistance dog with one of those "Don't pet me, I'm working" signs on him, a motorized wheelchair, a 50 lb bag of dog food and three suitcases. His wife comes in and asks us to assist with all the luggage.

I'm sorry, have you mistaken us for a hotel? Sorry, we're too busy to be your bellhop tonight. What's with the 50 pound bag of dog food? Three suitcases?

After hauling in all this stuff by hand (including carrying the wheelchair), and after security and the front desk staff question him as to WTF, he informs us he is from another country and flew in to be seen for a meeting with our physical therapy staff to help him rehab from his paralysis. Well, they don't know he's coming, but, still, he wants to be seen by them. He must have pegged us as total retards if thought we'd believe he was paralyzed after moving more crap into the lobby than a college Freshman during the week before his first semester at the dorm. Oh, and wow, you speak excellent English with no accent seeing as you're from a different country. The arrival from a different country had its own elaborate story attached to it, including a privately-charted jet.

Well, okay, I guess I'll sign into the ER so I can request a meeting with physical therapy if you will not set it up for me, he says. Uh. Sure. Whatever. Everyone else signs in with bogus crap, why not you too? Although, I couldn't figure out what angle he's trying to work here. The disability fraud angle? The pain pill angle? The "I need a prolonged stay in the hospital because I'm homeless" angle? The malingering angle? Did he have multiple personalities? Why weren't the family members pulling me aside to tell me he was delusional?

Meanwhile, we're standing there looking RIGHT at him standing straight up carrying a suitcase. I'd say he was just a weird homeless dude or mental health patient scamming us for a bed, but he was well-dressed (in a suit to be exact) and really did arrive via stretch limo (and he wasn't just the driver) and got two additional normal-appearing people to go along with him.

He eventually unceremoniously plopped down on his wheelchair and continued to declare himself unable to walk. Honestly, the whole thing played out like some dream. I was wondering when we'd get to the part where I stood up from triage desk, naked from the waist down and incontinent.